Saying Goodbye to My Beautiful Life
If you haven’t heard the song A Beautiful Life by Christopher Lund Nissen, then I’m telling you it’s a must! Be prepared for a few tears to fall and if you watch the movie Beautiful Life on Netflix that it was featured in, then definitely grab the popcorn AND the box of tissues! This song has a way of putting into perspective the fact that we are not alone as empty nester moms. There are so many scenarios where other’s feel like their life is over also. But if they can find ways to move forward, can’t we in all our “mom wisdom”?
As an empty nester, your life starts to head in a different direction. Maybe you just never found the time to dream about what and how it could look, instead you suddenly find yourself saying goodbye to your beautiful life. Your children used to live in both your heart and home, now you’re wandering the family pad alone. And it seems like your purpose just walked out the door while your brain tries to trick you into thinking that your residence has become a nursing home.
Even Tough Girls Never See It Coming
Just so you know, these same emotions eventually catch up with us tough girls too! Similar to when we were preparing to give birth to these now young adult children and realized that we could never be fully prepared, the same thought occurs to the majority of us when they grow up and move out: “I thought I could handle this, but I am SO not prepared!”
I enjoyed raising my daughters and loved them to the fullest but by the time the college years started to hit, I was ready for them to move out! So I THOUGHT! When the perverbial “push came to shove” right out of the nest, I experienced a gamut of emotions that I wasn’t ready for. At the time, all I could think about was how I would have a lot of time to myself, do all the things I’d always wanted to do, and have a quiet house to think in.
I thought I was a tough, independent girl and suddenly THAT identity was gone too!
It Feels Like Dying
“If you have nothing to die for than what are you alive for?” This is what we often think or feel when “the big kids” and the big purpose of our life have moved onward and outward. It feels like we’re dying, losing the one main identity that we’ve always known ourselves to be. We are on emotion overload and our brain isn’t ready to pivot let alone able to think of “all the things” needed for creating a new identity. We’re stuck and lost without direction. Sad but happy for our kids. Alone although still in possession of a life full of relationships and conversations.
Bingo, that’s it! We may be alone but we are STILL IN POSSESSION of a life full of relationships and conversations.
Filling The Void And Your Future
The number ONE thought that helped my brain pivot in TWO important ways was, “I still have a life full of relationships and ongoing conversations with other people I enjoy.” This major thought or rather an obvious revelation, (#1) helped my brain get more curious about the conversations I had going with my other relationships outside of my adult children. And then, (#2) these conversations eventually led my brain to to start dreaming again.
It took me a while to realize this pattern happening with my thoughts. It looked something like this: various coffee hours, lunch times and phone calls would lead me to the next little step towards a new thought, the new thought (sometimes with a tiny bit of research) became a dream which then led me to a small action that took me down a path to completing an even bigger goal. Do you see now how all of THAT can happen from your continued conversations with those other relationships in your life? And let me tell you, when you reach your first little goal as an empty nester mom, it’s magical!
A Backward Thought
This may sound silly to say that reaching a small goal can be magical but when you look backwards and remember how it all started out of one little conversation, sometimes even a conversation with a stranger, you start to realize that you’re not saying goodbye to your beautiful life after all. You’re actually growing a bigger and more beautiful life than ever!
